A few months ago my brother called me frustrated. Something had come up in the family & he asked if I would help him deal with it. I was calm, listened, let him vent, & told him I'd handle it (because I could & I wanted to). A few hours later he called back to thank me, check in, & make sure we were good (which we totally were).
This was an evolved interaction for us. A previous version of me would have probably taken his frustrations out of context & felt like he was blaming me. Even if I held it together & didn't get defensive, I would have gotten off the phone & started to spin on what I 'should have done to prevent the situation (which was out of my control) from happening in the first place. As for him... I could speculate on what a previous version may have done (likely, less evolved as well) but I'd rather acknowledge that he called, asked for what he needed, & checked back in. It was an honest & respectful interaction & I appreciated it a lot.
I share this story because communication gets better when you work at it! Even... with those you have a strong pattern or dynamics with.
Of course, you can't control how others will behave & sometimes you won't be met (no matter how hard you try)... But you can cultivate the steadiness & clarity to truly & say what you need to say when you need to say it.
To help you do this I've made you a 2022 CHEAT SHEET
Print it. Put it on the wall. Come back to it again & again.
Regardless of whether you are dealing with interpersonal communication or creative self expression, these 9 Tips will help you Articulate in Resonance.
1: Locate Yourself
Your body & nervous system are infinitely intelligent. When you are present to this internal compass you meet the world & yourself with greater honesty. Orient yourself by slowly taking your visual field. Become aware of your sensations, emotions, & breath. Is your heart beating fast or slow? Give yourself time to settle. Whether speaking, singing, or listening to another begin by anchoring first ~ inside your Self.
2. Clarify Your Heart's Intention
With practice our intentions become the lived expression of our values & spirit. Tune in. What is it that you seek or long for in this expression? Is it Connection? Respect? Belonging? Marshal Rosenberg teaches in Non-violent communication that every action stems from a basic human need. Even when a strategy is ineffective (i.e. blaming, worrying) or a situation is painful (i.e. envy, anger, hurt) there is usually something fundamental our heart is craving. Locate this desire & hold it as an intention for everyone involved (i.e. mutual respect, mutual understanding). It will direct your dialogue towards greater empathy, openness, & honesty around what is possible.
3. Listen to Understand.
True listening never degrades your message or purpose. Instead, it allows you clarify your understanding, expand upon points of connection, & better address the nuances of your disagreement. When you listen to understand you demonstrate maturity & cultivate trust, increasing your likelihood of being heard & understood.
4. Practice Respect.
Each person dwells within the framework of their histories, communities, & biology. The human experience is diverse & every story has something to teach us. When you practice respect you open yourself to learning the intricacies of another. Through respectful communication & boundaries you teach others how you wish to be treated. By offering respect, even when another's actions or words are 'disrespectful' you maintain your integrity & demonstrate a lesson deeper than retribution could ever teach.
5. Map Your Voice to Your Body & Breath
Every exhale is an opportunity for surrender. Every part of your of your body inhabits a different felt sense, tone, & intention. Tune your expression to the release of your breath, the strength of core, & the connection of your heart. This will help you to calm your mind & speak your truth in resonance with your being.
6: Honour the Mysteries of Timing
The timing of one's growth & understanding is unique to every person & situation. You can't control the responses of others, but you can cultivate your own intuition & trust. Listen with your whole body. Speak when you soul needs to speak. And cultivate trust by honouring the space between words, reception, conversations, mis-steps, & celebration. We all evolve in our own timing.
7. Cultivate Curiosity, Wonder, & Play
As adults it’s easy to lose ourselves in the seriousness of life. Yet, we learn best as children do… with space for play, curiosity, & wonder. Spend time in the awe of of nature. Be silly. Play. You may soon find that this lightheartedness weaves its way into your relationships ~ forging greater intimacy & resilience.
8: Sing From Your Soul
Your voice is medicine. When you sing from your soul you foster a connection between your voice & the deepest parts of your Self. This is not about performing or pleasing sounds. It's your birthright of expression. Sing from your soul & welcome all of it ~ the highs of your triumphs, to the sobs of your grief, the guttural noises that vocalize what words cannot. This is a sanctuary where emotions can move, intuition deepens, & your system regulates through the medicine of your voice.
9. Own Your Self
Self esteem & capacity are built through the ownership we take for ourself, our choices, & our reactions to circumstance. This is an excavation of the highest order ~ to gently acknowledge where we have been moved by love, connection, agenda, o fear. As you recognize & own what’s yours you simultaneously release yourself from the guilt of what is not. When you make repair with yourself & others you instil the skills of humility & growth... aligning to the resonance of your soul.
Is it time to step into your voice & courageously say what you need to say (when you need to say it) in your life & relationships? Book a Free Consult Right Now & lets set the course for a more confident & expressive you.
About the Author.
Amy Thiessen is an international somatic voice & communications coach who helps women inhabit greater comfort in their bodies & express themselves with clarity, courage, & resonance through group programs & 1:1 coaching. Under the artist name ‘Sundari Studios’ she offers hypnotic devotional musical performance & production designed to uplift the spirit & awaken the heart. Thiessen's music & work has been featured on TED X, Wanderlust, Embodylab Summits (Embodied Yoga & MindBody Therapy) & alongside international teachers Janet Stone & Megan Currie.