Here’s a little story from a client… does it feel familiar?
*Talia was a mother, a wife, & business woman. To the outside world it would appear that she had her life together on every level but when she came to me the truth behind the scenes was something distinctly different. At work she found herself feeling caged. A self proclaimed ‘people pleaser’ Talia found it exceedingly difficult to have a voice in the midst of several dominant personalities. When she did have the courage to finally speak up she was often embarrassed to find her voice overcome with emotion & ‘not fitting’ of the professional space. At home the story was different but the same. Years of suppressing her own needs had led to disconnection & resentment in her marriage. By the time she reached me she had reached her breaking point - ready to flip her life upside down if it mean finally being able to know & express the ‘authentic’ yearnings in her heart.
Talia’s story is a common one - a desperate yearning for an authentic voice while at the same time still piecing together what that even means. In reality your authentic voice can be a lot of things including messy, confusing, brilliant, & passionate. To connect to this authenticity is in itself an act of courage as it means embarking on a compassionate journey of curiosity & permission so that the layers of self, your desires, your pain, & your stories may be seen & transcended.
*Name has been changed
So how do you do create this courageous space for authentic voice?
1. Carve Out Space
You can’t tune in & be in a rush at the same time. Carving out even ten minutes to intentionally be with yourself or reflect on a situation with no agenda, no distractions, & no pressure can make a world of difference.
And…
It might take more than one good pause to understand what it is you are feeling or want to express. This is normal. Self understanding & authenticity is uncovered layer by layer. Let intentional practices (like those below) work in conjunction with the subconscious processes that will continue to occur while you engage in other parts of your life.
2. Embrace the Mess - Emotions & All
Self understanding can be a messy business. The best gift you can give yourself right off the bat is permission. Permission to be messy, emotional, confused, blank, or whatever else might concern you. This permission is a gateway. It will help you to meet those more ‘unsavoury’ experiences (e.g. envy, blame, guilt, resentment, anger) with curiosity, creating an opportunity for deeper truths & meaning to surface.The more you are able to be with & ‘see’ yourself the easier it will become to share this self with others.
3. Connect with Your Body
As you already know, worry, spinning thoughts, blame, & self deprecation can be the greatest challenge to knowing your own voice. The truth is something ‘thinking’ isn’t the best approach, especially when in a more triggered state.
Try slowing down & becoming present to your physical sensations. Movement such as yoga, a walk , or dancing can help you connect to your feeling state in a more embodied way & move the energy that’s there to reveal more clarity & understanding.
4. Write it Out
This is a gloves off type of practice, not necessarily to be shared with others. It’s an opportunity to allow all the possible internal emotions & voices - from the unrefined & callous to the compassionate & understanding - to get to be heard without judgment. By getting all the competing voices out on paper you may just find a deeper understanding of what’s beneath.
Grab a journal & work through the following prompts & let it all come out. Notice the ones that feel important (even if they don’t totally make sense).
I’m angry that…
I’m annoyed that…
I resent…
I feel hurt because…
I feel sad when…
I’m disappointed that…
I’m afraid that…
I worry that…
I need…
I’m embarrassed because…
I wish that…
I’m sorry that…
I’m grateful that…
I understand that…
I realize I….
I would like to…
5. Sound it Out.
When it comes to emotions & complex experiences words themselves can be limiting. Your voice is a vessel through which you can express these complex internal feelings without words
Take 3-5 minutes & connect to your breath in any way that fits for you (e.g. seated, lying down, in slow movement). When you feel connected to breath & body begin to move into sound.
Begin by letting out audible sighs or moans. Go slow & become present to the sensations that occur as you express. Pause in between sounds to notice how the sensations move through your body. Continue for 2-3 minutes.
Next you might become intentional. Place your hands on a part of your body like your lower belly & begin to make sounds from there. Allow this part of you to express anything it desires from silence to wails. Again, pause after each sound to let the experience settle.
Then move to different parts of your body - your low belly, upper belly, heart, & head - & sound from there. Give several repetitions to each area while also giving room for emotions or sensations to process through.
6. Let it Integrate.
When you’ve completed your chosen practice jot down anything that feels important in a journal & then walk away from the process & do something else. This gives your subconscious mind an opportunity to process & integrate information often lending to insights that emerge naturally.
7. Engage Authentically with Others
Through the above processes you may come to different levels of clarity on what you feel, need, or simply want to share. As you gain clarity take small steps to share more of yourself. This could be a simple as sharing your experience with a friend or asking your partner to help you something specific.
Taking & acknowledging these seemingly ‘small’ steps will help you build the confidence & clarity to continue to know & express your authentic voice… because your voice matters.
About the Author
Amy Thiessen is an international teacher, coach, & musician who focuses on helping individuals connect to their confidence, purpose, & self-esteem through voice & communication. Offering a holistic approach Amy helps individuals uncover & overcome their unique blocks & ultimately express themselves in a way that is empowered & impactful.
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