I am staging an intervention with the social media/pop psychology fragments that, in my experience, foster as much insecurity and self-doubt as they do benefit.

Set boundaries. Speak your truth. Trust your body. Be authentic

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These sentiments, however valid, are oversimplified and can leave the reader, especially one who is doomscrolling while overwhelmed - feeling like there is just another thing they are doing wrong.

We are far too complex to be captured in 300 words or a 60-second video.

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There is a ‘whole body yes’, a ‘whole body no,’ AND a ‘I have no freakin idea.

We need safe spaces with those who get us AND people who challenge us and stretch our ability to think, feel, and connect differently.

Your body is a brilliant compass — and at times confusing as hell.

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The reality isn't either/or. It's both/and.

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It's an ongoing relationship, fueled and built through listening, engagement, misalignment and correction.

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That voice you are seeking. That rooted embodied, brilliant expression of your soul and purpose is a relationship forged through play, pleasure, tension, and muck - those spaces where we are pushed to discover, to know, to speak the truths that live in our bones.

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Over the years I've noticed a few myths about embodied communication that can create more confusion than clarity—myths that collapse the both/and into an either/or.

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Myth #1: If I'm aligned, the words will flow

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Ummmm… sometimes.

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Flow generally happens when we feel comfortable enough to speak and have the language to articulate what we're experiencing. Meaning we haven’t been ambushed by a survival response and we have the language to articulate what we’re experiencing.

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I can't tell you the number of times I have:

• Known what I need to say but been too frozen to say it
• Been aligned and passionate about an idea and taken days to flush it out into writing
• Had to plan and prepare for a difficult conversation with work

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Feeling aligned is one aspect of embodied expression.

Having language for it is another.

Feeling safe enough to speak is another.

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You can be deeply connected to your truth and still stumble over your words.

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That's not failure. That's learning.

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Myth #2: If I am assertive and clear others will meet me

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The number of times someone has told me they were clear and honest only to be met with defensiveness, withdrawal, or complete misunderstanding is astounding.

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Even when something is communicated clearly and without malice or superiority, people can still react strongly—or miss the point entirely.

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I remember in my twenties deciding not to drink for a period of time. Someone ordered me a drink and when I respectfully declined they became genuinely upset, telling me I thought I was "too good" for them.

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Clarity does not guarantee reception 

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Someone who tends to please people may initially be viewed as aggressive or difficult when they become assertive. It's surprising. It can trigger defensiveness.

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Over time, clarity and neutrality will teach others how to communicate with you. But realistically it is often a difficult transition for some relationships and some never really get there.

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This doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. It can however mean that your relationships might change.

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Myth #3: Authenticity = Confidence = Ease

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I think we need to redefine confidence and authenticity.

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When people talk to me about confidence, what I suspect they mean is: without doubt, with assurance of being right.

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But confidence to me only truly exists with humility.

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Real confidence is being willing to speak - and willing to be wrong.

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That is the confidence I seek to build.

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And while confidence can be built, the journey to building that confidence is inherently vulnerable.

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Years ago I watched Tash Sultana, a loop pedal artist. Now, the thing with pedals is that if you make a mistake it goes off the rails and is very obvious.  

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They were about 30 seconds into a song and the loop was off, and she stopped. Stopped playing, stopped the band, and started again like it was no big deal.

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That is confidence. That is also authenticity.

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It's not not making mistakes. It's the ability to recognize a mistake and move through it. The ability to own vulnerability and be with it.

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It requires grace, self recognition, self-understanding, and self compassion - usually forged through repetition and practice. 

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Communication is no different.

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Maybe I said something that was inappropriate or ignorant. Can I name it, own it, and correct it? That’s where confidence lies.

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It's not about doing things right every time. It's about self ownership, humility, and willingness to engage, learn, and correct. Each time you do this you are building that confidence and acceptance of your authentic being.

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It’s not always easy. It’s not always pretty. It doesn’t always feel good.

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And… it builds depth, character, and a self-trust

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Myth #4: My Felt truth is True, and my truth is THE truth

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When we experience alignment in ourselves it can land as truth or knowing, and that experience is valid.

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But it doesn't necessarily mean that truth is universal or that my interpretation of a feeling - i.e., the ‘story’ of my felt truth is correct.

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First, let’s talk about values. Let’s say I deeply value integrity. For me this means that when I say I will do something I will do it whether I am sick, tired, or dealing with personal challenges.

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Now let’s say a colleague also values integrity, but that they prioritize the needs of their family. In doing so, they cancel on a joint commitment with me because they need to address a family matter.

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My true feeling is integrity first. There's is family first. Both can be true.

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We could take this further. I could take that feeling and knowing of integrity being true and create the story that my colleague is disrespectful because they cancelled at the last minute. I may even feel slighted and self righteous - positive of my ‘truth’

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For my colleague, respect may not have even surfaced. They feel their family is first and their cancelling was nothing more than adhering to their priorities.

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Truth itself is often a deepening construct. Developmentally we tend to “know” what is true as teens - only to later realize the nuances of life.

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Righteousness, contempt, the stance of I’m right and they are wrong - these take us farther and farther from truth

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Landing in our truth requires self-respect, curiosity, and humility.

This is where discernment sharpens.

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Myth #5: I should know what to say in the moment

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This might be the most common excuse I've used and that I've heard clients use.

We can recognize a misalignment. We see an issue. But because the moment passed we decided it is not worth examining or bringing up.

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Sometimes, this is valid - not everything requires a conversation

And sometimes this is avoiding masked as understanding. 

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But here's the thing: we often don't know why we're upset or what's happening in a moment simply because we are too triggered, activated, or focused on the other or the situation to see it.

It often isn't until later that we can sense the misalignment.

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One of the greatest ways that we can build our capacity to know in the moment is to communicate about those things that are important even after the fact:

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To take the time to listen, reflect, and feel our way through the situation. 

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To honour our emotions, needs, or confusion, and… 

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Even to talk to someone about it after the fact.

It is often easier to bring something up earlier in a relationship even after the fact, then to have the same pattern occur again and again creating a pattern of avoidance that eventually comes out in an emotional tirade or passive aggressive behavior.

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(P.S. I’ve done this too)

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Take some time to feel it out, reflect, talk to a friend. When you find the root of it it may not be comfortable but it will likely land with a resonance in your body. This is where self recognition and understanding is born. This is where your compass is refined.

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And sometimes it will be clunky, awkward, and confusing.

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This too is part of the practice.

Our body is a compass — one we learn to use through practice.

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Through listening.

Through misalignment and correction.

Through the courage to examine ourselves honestly.

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Alignment isn't a perfect signal we receive once.

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It's a relationship we build.

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Your body is a compass.
Brilliant. Confusing. Wise. Reactive. Beautiful. Yours.

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The journey is ongoing.

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Messy. Tender. Powerful. And deeply human.

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If you're exploring your voice, discernment, and embodied communication, this is the work I love to support people in.

With WarmthAmy